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What part do emotions play in forming an ethically good life? A crucial, but not decisive part. In order to see what we mean, perhaps you would like to read the following article Mary did that relates to your concern. Emotional Health and Good Character Mary R. Joyce In May of 2001, Cindi Samson, director of a Manhattan private school, announced a new policy: "After much thought and discussion this past year, we will not be celebrating Mother's Day and Father's Day. We are a school with many different family makeups, and we need to recognize the emotional well-being of all the children in our school." This new ruling was necessary, Samson explained in her letter to parents, for the sake of protecting the feelings of those children who are being raised by same-sex couples. According to the New York Post (5-8-01), a man who adopted his son with a male partner boasted that he had persuaded the school's administrators to establish the new policy. In this case, emotional well-being became the means for raising homosexual partnership to the level of equality with heterosexual marriage. Apparently, no consideration was given to the effect that such a leveling would have on the awareness needed by children for their character formation. "Honor your father and your mother," one of the great strengths of good character, was reduced to insignificance. A culture of "tolerance" bases its values on feeling good about oneself. Hence, judgments that causes guilt feelings are not allowed; guilt does not help an individual to feel good about self. But such a view breeds a culture of permissiveness, not genuine tolerance. Some kind of moral judgment and healthy--not neurotic--sense of guilt is needed for character development, and for emotional health as well. A psychopath is one who feels good about a self that has little or no character. Our society, if it has not already arrived at that pathological condition, is well into the process of becoming psychopathic. Emotional well-being is important for character formation. And good character is essential for emotional well-being. In a mature person, these two aspects of human personhood are integrated. But this integration is not easily achieved; it is a momentous challenge. Cultures tend to develop on one side or the other of these two dimensions of our inner nature. Unintegrated, emotional and moral abilities tend to become polar or extreme. How, then, can we become emotionally relaxed and happy as we stand up firmly in our moral character? From Puritan to Playboy (and Back Again?) The Puritan was like a compulsive parent who valued character at the expense of feelings, saying, "Feelings don't count; good character is all that matters." The playboy is like an impulsive child who values feelings and impulses at the expense of good character, saying, "Follow your feelings; character doesn't matter." An example of the "follow your feelings" ideology is one of the most popular slogans of Vietnam war protestors prior to the Roe v. Wade decision by the U.S. Supreme Court. "Make love, not war," they cried. Then, in the wake of this so-called love, our country made war on the most innocent and helpless of our kind. The bodies of freely choosing women became the battleground as abortionists raided the sanctuary of new human life with knives and suction tubes. But this surge of playboy-playmate impulsiveness and its consequences were not their own reason for being. America's original Puritan-Victorian culture became the "parent" (the generating source) of the playboy reaction against its suppressive and repressive attitudes. One extreme begot the other. Now, as the effects of the playboy culture become too painful to endure, another social reflex (without much reflection) could initiate something like a return to Puritanism. Or will we finally hear our culture's cry for help, and attend to its need for balance and integration? Feelings are Spontaneous Responses If we could not feel heat or cold, we would be in danger of burning or freezing. Our many kinds of physical feelings are responders to both inner and outer conditions that challenge our ability to survive, and that minister to our ability to enjoy life. Besides our physical feelings, our many kinds of emotional feelings are responders, also. If we could not feel empathy with another person's physical discomfort or emotional turmoil, we could not be human, only mechanical. Our spontaneous feelings and emotions exist to connect us intimately with ourselves and the world in which we live. They supply the energy we need for our actions. They are morally neither good nor bad but, as a part of our basically good nature, they are also basically good. Our most basic (or affective) emotions are love and hate, desire and aversion, joy and sadness. Our secondary (or effective) emotions are hope and despair, fear and courage, and anger. The effective or doing-oriented responders are meant to serve those that are affective or more being-oriented. And all of these spontaneous emotional responders exist for the sake of one among them: the emotion of love. When the effective emotions, especially fear and courage, become too efficient, repression of the affective emotions can result. Thus, excessive fear of punishment can bury alive feelings of desire. On top of that, a hyper-active emotion of courage can bury fear. Then the emotion of love, for which all of these other emotions exist, doesn't have much of a chance.1 Probably the most misunderstood of our emotions are hate, desire, and anger. These are the most readily repressed in the name of good character. We tend to think it is bad to feel hate, some kinds of desire, and anger. But all of these feelingsas spontaneousare good. Take anger, for example. Many people are afraid of their spontaneous feelings of anger because these cause aggressive thoughts. Some pro-life people, when asked why they do not get involved in the movement, say they could not deal with their anger. So they resort to apathy. But we need the energy of our anger for responsible action. Assertiveness is not aggression. Only when we allow anger to fly into violence or mutate into resentment, or when we permit desire to become adulterous, or when we let hate harden into hatred, do good emotions fall into their dark side and become bad and unhealthy. So how we relate with our spontaneous feelings determines our character. Character is Responsible Our spontaneous responders need us to become reflective, not repressive like the Victorian Puritan, and not reflexive like the playboy. Repression gives way to reflection as we receive our spontaneous feelings for what they are. And reflex gives way to reflection as we ask ourselves what kind of action would be responsible. Responsibility such as this means that we take care of our feelings by affirming their goodness, and by reflectively guiding their expression in both our inner and outer behavior. Just as feelings are energy, so good character is power. Will power is needed to develop the strengths of good character called the virtues. The basic virtues are good judgment (prudence), justice, moderation (temperance), courage, knowledge, understanding, and wisdom. Some of the other virtues are chastity and humility. Chastity, for example, is a form of the basic virtue of moderation, but it needs all the other virtuessuch as courage, wisdom, and the emotion and the willing of loveto become fully responsible. Just as the all the other emotions exist for the sake of the emotion of love, so all the other virtues exist for the sake of the willing of love. Love Integrates Feelings and virtues are one in love. But not just any kind of love. Emotional health and good character develop together in a special kind of love called affirmation.2 Probably because this miracle of heart, mind, and will was absent in Puritanism, and is absent in playboyism, the American character lacks the integrating power that could free it from the bondage of its Puritan origin. Unlike charity that says, " I give of myself to you," affirmation says, "I give you to yourself." Only by emotionally feeling and intellectually intuiting the other's goodness of being can we love in this way. Both spiritual and emotional at once, affirmation is spontaneous, or else it is not affirming at all. We cannot make this kind of love; we can only be it. Affirmational love responds to the being of the other, and also to the being of our spontaneous feelings. We need to give being to its own goodness by letting our own being freely respond. This initial response prepares us for the firmness in af-firm-ation. We are as firm with our inner and outer behavior as we are affirming of our feelings. And this inner strengthening becomes the power for developing the virtues of good character. The affirming kind of love is dynamically integrating. Feelings become energy for the virtues, and the virtues become power for expressing feelings responsibly. Two of the world's most attractive and influential people in recent years, Pope John Paul II and Mother Teresa of Calcutta, are outstanding examples of affirming love. Profoundly human and spontaneously humane, they are and were secure in their strength of character. Conclusion Since every child, even those with same-sex caregivers, has originally both a mother and a father (at least before the advent of human cloning), an affirming kind of love for the child's being would support the celebration of Mother's Day and Father's Day. Feeling good about one's being in life as a whole goes much deeper than feeling good in any particular situation. In the case at hand, for example, emotional well-being about having a mother and a father even if only biological is more important than superficially feeling good about having homosexual parents. In this way, when good feelings about our being are strengthend, we can more readily endure situational bad feelings without sacrificing truth. This kind of healthy endurance supports growth in the virtues. So we need not abandon ourselves--or our children--to the weakness and apathy of permissiveness for the sake of our (or their) feelings. In the grace of affirming love, emotional health and good character can develop together. 1 Described by Conrad W. Baars, a Catholic psychiatrist strongly influenced by St. Thomas Aquinas, in Feeling and Healing Your Emotions (Plainfield, NJ: Logos International, 1979). 2 Ibid. This article is copyrigthed by the NaProEthics Forum, Omaha, Nebraska, and is posted with permission. |
